


Akiham Drabble Collection

by frogtan



Category: Persona 3
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 05:16:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16382105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogtan/pseuds/frogtan
Summary: Various drabbles written throughout the years.





	1. Altschmerz

Although they left Adamah without considerable injuries or casualties, Akihiko couldn’t get over Leader’s loss of footing in front of a Noble Seeker. 

Jitters proceeded even after when he held her close that night. Minutes later Akihiko gulped for air, but Minako pulled his weary expression into her shoulder before he explained. 

She, too, never wanted them to be apart.


	2. Distance

“You’re overthinking– I’m yours. That’s all I want to be.”

Immediately, his evident restlessness eases — after rambling what he aspires to do with her, to be all that he thinks she’d want him to be. The overwhelming amount of thought Akihiko puts into everything (even if some of his ideas can be considered mundane or odd due to cluelessness) made Hamuko involuntarily take a step back.

She lays a hand on his upper arm, as if keeping him from leaving her behind. “Let’s take it one step at a time, okay? We have all the time in the world.” She watches Akihiko deeply inhale those words, etching them to heart. He’s used to discipline: school and club schedules, training regimens, the Dark Hour and SEES. Lives have a time limit too…

“You don’t need to treat me like a princess or some cutie girlfriend. I don’t want you to change overnight.” Her other hand cradles and caresses his face. “I like you for you, you know?”

Given how patient she’s been with him this past year, he should’ve known… Abashed, Akihiko closes the gap between them.


	3. Higher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this Akihiko and Minako are children.

At first they swung on separate swings in competition over who could go higher. Akihiko wouldn’t have experienced the thrill — his vision submerging into blue, as if his soul belongs to the sky — if the younger girl wasn’t present. However, this feeling of fulfillment passes both, sparking a new idea from Minako this time. She pounces from her seat and zips to Akihiko, startling him once she plows into his personal bubble and climbs from behind.

“W-what are you..!?”

“I bet you can’t swing as high with me on board!” she declares from above, so proud to have raised the stakes.

Minako doesn’t say this because she thinks she’s heavy — only for more fun…! Akihiko, however, registers this as a genuine challenge. Grasping the galvanized chains, he begins to conduct the swing with her weight’s aid. With some time and effort, the two — while she shouts “Higher! Higher!” — fly higher and higher, with Minako’s giggling sounding in his ears.

Those giggles start to tremble and cease upon soaring dangerously. Her fingers tighten around the chains as his back serves as a buttress. Akihiko, on the contrary, steals her laughter due to the apparent risk pumping his adrenaline but nonetheless slows the ride thanks to her assertive body language and pleas.

“Y-you idiot!” Minako swats at his shoulder in a fit once they land, causing the elation Akihiko gained to sour. She notices seconds later, how his demeanor quiets. The guilt is easily transferable. “Noo, I didn’t mean to! Don’t cry!”

Frantically she rubs the boo-boo, then takes advantage of their positions by entwining arms over his shoulders and giving Akihiko a squeeze. He pouts, burying his head into her arms, and this tickles Minako enough to have her burst into bubbly giggles. A smile cracks from his end, consequently pressing gawky shoes into concrete and pulling the unsuspecting Minako into a piggyback — and they take off!


	4. His Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emetophobia TW.

Distasteful splattering coupled with groans from behind the bathroom door could easily be heard by whoever lingers outside. Inside, Akihiko heaves on knees, while his stomach turns. Despite getting sleep, it’s the same as the night before – a Tartarus side effect he knows but hasn’t experienced in a long time.

Thankfully, he kept from spewing until the team left the tower. Near the end of their excursion, his footsteps disoriented as the floor warped. Eyesight blurred, and Akihiko halted, cupping his mouth. Trauma he’d been burying to the extent of forgetting shot into the forefront of his mind as well as up his digestive system.

How feeble was he, though, getting reminded of how things were changing between him and her these past few months, making a connection to what happened years ago. No longer was Akihiko capable of controlling his emotions and dignity, allowing them due to the surge of Tartarus’ atmosphere to spill into the toilet now.

He peers upward with an exhausted gaze, an expression meant for himself. Whether or not this is because of Arisato or the girl he failed to look after, it’s his fault for being the way he is, and maybe, just maybe, being alive really is a sin.


	5. It's Odd

It’s odd.

It’s odd being at Hagakure and his chopstick-less hand mindlessly reaches at the empty space beside it – not on top of another hand. Not even Akihiko expects this gesture from himself, considering he’s never intentionally proceeded like this before. Fingers curl. He glances around, checking if anyone or ghosts or Polydeuces catch his blunder, before playing it off and lifting his chopsticks again. Reflexes are to blame.

It’s odd when heart rate increases in a different way while lifting dumbbells. His mind normally focuses on counting, but this time it fogs. Flashes of someone who doesn’t make him sad and guilty – but rather feel better and relieved (aside from apprehension because of reasons) – consumes him, and his hand pulls to his chest before he admits defeat on the bed, head in his hands.

Or when he curls underneath a bedsheet, feeling extra affectionate and sweet towards literally nobody except for who’s on his mind. That’s odd, too.

It’s scary that this feels good. He’s worked himself up with poise, and he’ll graduate within a few months. However, now he’s wrapped up in these..sophomoric sensations. Has been bubblier, happier than he has for years. It’s odd to say this, but why now? It’s hard to focus. This is some kind of sickness Akihiko can’t diagnose, wrapped up in something he can’t tame for once.

Yet here he is. Here she is.

They’re quietly chatting while heading towards the dorm. Akihiko becomes mute after she replies. Arisato soon tilts her head at the other, while the branches of the nearby trees sway along with her hair.

“…Senpai?”

She catches him in plain sight, in a sort of daze, and – damn it all – facial muscles won’t chill. His lips contort, but it’s obviously telling what he’s trying to do, but nonetheless he presses on.

“W-what?” he scoffs. She doesn’t point out anything, but he’s already offended. Maybe abashed, as well. All she does is laugh, and Akihiko takes this moment to look to the side and allow his stupid smile to ride it out.

It’s odd how a specific person makes him feel this way.


	6. Oh

The descending sun has the prior blue sky emit into various reds, pinks, and violets. Palm trees framing the sand become darker and mysterious. Overhead, SEES in bathing suits appear as ants as they trickle away from Yakushima’s shore, until one of them turns around.

Extra imprints cast into the sand as Akihiko jogs back to one of the umbrellas. He pinpoints a forlorn towel draped on a lounge chair. This is what he’s supposed to retrieve for Mitsuru.

An one-track mind has him unable to pay heed to a lady walking past him until she says something – again. Akihiko’s lack of former acknowledgement already earns him the red flag, and he doesn’t even know.

Several feet away is Minako coming to check on him only to “oh” at her senpai being blocked. Their conversation is hard to hear, but from Akihiko’s end he stands firmly in a t-shirt and tight swimming briefs while his less than bold responses fall flat. Her words, sprinkled with giggles and teases, nip at him, and on reflex he’s on the defensive. Being polite doesn’t advance courtship, and being put on the spot blanks his mental list of interests to mention. Focusing is difficult when the sound of heartbeats blare. Unlike girls at Gekkoukan, she deems him clumsy and uncomfortable and leaves him with a hot face and a bitter reminder:

Whether or not he’s approached… he still fails to win. Is he really not good with girls? Not only that, it nags Akihiko that he attempts to play along when he… wasn’t actually interested. Not that there was anything wrong with her or the others he and Junpei talked to. Blame this moment for being unforeseen, but despite opportunities, his heart simply wasn’t in it.

This revelation shouldn’t bother him as much as it is.

Thankfully, noticing Arisato evaporates any thought of the meeting prior. Like water softly hitting the shore, relief washes over him.

He doesn’t have to force himself to be who he isn’t with her.


	7. Relax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Body mutilation/death mention TW.

Akihiko listlessly wanders through gloomy woods. He exits from the other end; the plains mirror the gray-reigning sky. He makes nothing of this. He keeps walking. From the horizon a scattered crowd faces the opposite way, and without effort Akihiko joins.

A building is on fire.

Smog encapsulates it from top to bottom. Amongst the onlookers, Akihiko panics yet doesn’t move. It’s not until now he notices two firetrucks and men hosing it down.

He gets closer, and a firefighter approaches. A small crisp body, completely burnt and disfigured, in their arms. The adult says to him, “There was a girl inside. She said to tell you, ‘My brother should’ve came.’”

His eyelids open. Black and midnight blue paint his room. Akihiko already understands he just had a nightmare. It’s been a long time.

For a while he lays on his side completely still until swirling thoughts soak his core. Sobs incoming, he curls and muffles them with the exception of a distressed squeak.

He confesses being anxious for days. Repeatedly, his brain nags about childhood trauma and grieving no matter the frequency he distracts himself via the usual: training, sleeping, studying, patrolling. Tartarus’ heavy atmosphere naturally sways conditions worse for wear. Confiding in someone so freely remains a novel concept for Akihiko, but when life grants them privacy, it truly becomes obvious how pained he’s been. Hamuko’s presence feels akin to a garden in juxtaposition to his inner rot.

Talking typically seems to alleviate emotional turmoil, but ever since their relationship turned intimate, she quickly learns (although it’s been implied before) that what relaxes him most is physical contact. She doesn’t mind, she trusts him, and that isn’t to say she has been the same since October. From her side of his bed, Hamuko carefully turns her head to Akihiko, his features tired and distant. Her hand crawls over.

“..If you need my shoulder, or my hand, or a hug—“

Akihiko wastes no time colliding. Hamuko gets squeezed closer while an embarrassed face buries into her shoulder, a faint of lily gracing him. Elevated, she could feel the strength of his hands and his person’s rigidity. She clings.

It tickles, how he nuzzles into her neck, going under collar and brushing skin, but then — abruptly, it occurs to her that lips are making lasting impressions albeit shyly. There isn’t much room for him, her long-sleeved button up obstructed by a ribbon. Hamuko slightly retracts from him, and the two communicate with nervous eyes. They reach an understanding; Akihiko loosens his grasp so her hands can undo the bow, then the first few of her buttons. Watching skin reveal bit by bit puts him on edge. He quietly sputters—

“C..can… … you turn around for me.. too?”

She’s confused, but she nods, does with fingers continuing. He sits uncertain as this takes place, but seconds push him to scoot nearer before his intent could pass. Gloves removed, careful fingers hook under the upper portion of her shirt, gently peeling it off her until it stays rumpled at her lower spine, sleeves to her elbows. His face inches in.

Smooches send short electric shocks to cool skin. Hamuko feels him deliberately avoiding her bra and steadily trailing down with each imprint becoming increasingly earnest. Could hear each subdued ‘chup’ when lips penetrate and disconnect. His hand go from shoulder to both cradling her waist as he advances with closed eyes.

Akihiko relaxes doing this. Her skin is soft and sweet. Real. The memory of the mutilated body from his dreams hastily disintegrates, especially once his arms swaddles past the waist as he inclines into her nape. Secure. He sighs contently.

They idle like this. Outside, raindrops pelt into Iwatodai dormitory. With one hand, Hamuko circles fingers over his wrist. She interprets this ordeal worked in calming him down. He’s warm.

Thankful for being in this position, eventually Akihiko reveals the cause.

“I had a dream I saw my sister’s body…”

The blatant implications that go with that due to getting to know him makes her feel an empathetic twinge. Hamuko twists. “Oh… senpai…”

Before she could remind him that the past wasn’t his fault, Akihiko intercepts. “I-it’s okay. I’m okay now.” He unfurls his spine and covers hers before she tugs the garment properly on. Her moistened back could be considered sanctified at present now.

Hamuko spots his downcast eyes. “Uh.. I’m sorry if that was.. weird.”

She shakes her head and extends herself to be able to wrap arms around his bashful shoulders.

“It’s my turn.” She smooches his forehead. “I love you.”


	8. Sick Day

Akihiko sent a text about his less than stellar condition. Hamuko could imagine his frustration, not being able to keep up with his training, with the eventual piles of homework he’d have to tackle. Senpai was always on top of his game, sort to speak; his very worst was obtaining the sniffles after overdoing it in Tartarus. But to get to the point he’d favor staying in bed over keeping up with his near-perfect track record? Sure did concern her.

— Enough for her to skip class to be with him. She started the day secretly slithering into the kitchen, opening the fridge, clinking and clunking kitchenware, and switching the stove on. Hamuko hummed as she cooked, contemplating how to make the pancakes he never asked for. Hell, Akihiko didn’t even know she stayed behind.

Armed with two slabs, she climbed flights of stairs as a lazy Koromaru watched from the floor. Her knuckles rattled his door. “Senpai, are you awake?”

Coughs. Her target’s voice muffled behind the wood. “Wha— huh? Arisato?”

“Can I come in? I have something for you.”

She could make out the sound of him displacing himself from the bed and advancing footsteps. “Shouldn’t you be at school?”

Hamuko tweaked her posture straighter before the knob twitched. Akihiko’s perplexed expression poked in the small space between the door and the frame but soon widened it because of the bait she held. His hair was disheveled, and he wore a plain t-shirt and red boxer briefs. Hamuko nearly retaliated and pinkened at the reveal. Wow, this was a gift from the gods she didn’t expect to receive. 

“Did you make me pancakes?”

“Uh, yes!” Her ponytail bobbed alongside her nod as she asserted the plate into his bare hand. He observed it as he bore it waist-high with reticence.

“You… you didn’t have to,” he whispered. She couldn’t tell if he was being sheepish or if his cold was getting in the way. “Thank you…” Akihiko looked back up at her with his typical genuineness, then backed into his room a little flustered. Without words, he invited her as he shut the door from behind. “You skipped school to do this?”

Hamuko lifted a hand to her forehead, saluting him, before proceeding to follow Akihiko to his bed. “I felt it was my duty.”

He shook his head and chuckled. He sat on the edge of the bed, promptly settling himself under the sheets while remaining to sit up. Hamuko kept standing, watching as his sleepy daze took in her labor of love. Witnessed him chuckle somewhat.

“You know… this isn’t exactly a healthy breakfast. It’ll mess up my diet, and it’s hard enough getting behind on my training.”

“You’re gonna eat it, anyway.”

“You’re right.”

Hamuko, crossing her arms, finally plopped herself down on the border, near his legs. “Anyway, I even powdered it with protein. It all cancels out.”

“That’s not how it works and you know it.”

Her stern facade cracked and she started laughing, and he joined until coughing disrupted. He plucked up his fork and went at the already-sliced pieces.

“If I was sick, would you cook for me, senpai? I can see you making eggs. Or a lot of pancakes, more than I can handle.” She patted him on the leg. “I know you can’t cook, but imagine.”

A dark cloud summoned itself over his head.

“Why’d you have to bring that last part up…” he muttered. “I feel you’re testing me and I’m going to have to learn now.”

“I’m not testing you! But I’m right, aren’t I? About the options.”

“Ahh…” Frowning, Akihiko actually stopped chewing to consider. This resulted in him sighing. “You’re probably right… You know me better than I know myself sometimes. But what do you mean ‘more than you can handle’? You’d eat anything.”

“Okay, it’s true that I love to eat, but I gotta admit that I doubt you know what’s a proper portion, especially for a girl.”

“I’m sure it’ll work out.” He sustained a cocky grin despite her lack in faith. “Pot calling the kettle black. I’m eating your pancakes, you know.”

Hamuko playfully shoved at his legs. “It’s not the same..!”

“Hey—!” Her mood clearly infected his. “This is how you treat a sick person?!”

“Just shut up and eat, senpai! And tell me if it’s good already!”

“It’s good, it’s good!” he said despite her irony. He set aside his plate with one pancake left. His voice softened. “It really is good. Thank you. And… one day I will learn to cook.” His resolute features conveyed that he’d do it for her. Hamuko’s eyes couldn’t help but blink, needing to peer elsewhere with her heart tugging due to his gentle presence. Totally uncalled for. This didn’t escape his eyes. “What? Are you being quiet on me?”

Her gaze ripped away from the nearby table upon realization that Akihiko had positioned himself to crawl over blankets, snaking warm arms around her. The sudden contact made her unconditionally yelp, but it wasn’t unwanted… mostly.

“You’re gonna get me sick, senpai.”

“Ahh, right. Sorry.” His embrace slackened, but Hamuko’s hands caught his cheeks. They squeezed, manipulating his perspired face to the side for her to plant a moist smooch — before she tried to withdraw. But Akihiko entrapped her into his arms again. For a few minutes they giggled and tugged to and away from each other before calming again, with Akihiko holding her and squishing his face into her cranium. They sat quietly like this, taking in each other’s company, body temperatures, breathing. It was still morning; a golden ambience peeking through ends of the curtains claimed sections of his mostly still-dimmed room. Hamuko wondered what Yukari and Junpei chatted and bickered about before class started — a daily occurrence, which normally included her. If today was typical, she and Akihiko would be seeing each other later, probably only for a few minutes during lunch time.

Today felt particularly special. Even if it came at the expense of senpai’s health.

“We,” even though she anticipated disapproval, “should cut class more often.”

“No way.”

Figured.

Akihiko continued. “Even if I wanted to, responsibilities aside, Mitsuru would chew me out. I’m expecting her to scold you later, actually.”

“Not unless she doesn’t find out.” Oh, who was she kidding.

Akihiko scoffed. He knew, too. “Good luck.”

Akihiko retracted himself back to where he belonged (Hamuko, once more, glimpsed at booty), retrieving his plate. Hamuko kept talking. “You know, you don’t have to have Mitsuru push you around.” She poked his leg. “You can be a queen bee, too.”

He paused mid bite. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She winked. Behind those lids hid many latent memories involving his vile fangirls. “Don’t worry about it.”

Akihiko, nonetheless, shrugged. “It just happens, I guess… Mitsuru doesn’t have the wrong idea. I’d rather not get on her bad side if I can help it. But…” He trailed off, trying to admit to himself that Hamuko had a point. Even he noticed before. It wasn’t as if he was following Mitsuru blindly, mind you. He had the privilege of knowing her longer, before SEES actually came to fruition. Yet even his persona’s weakness was her affinity, as one example. Mitsuru had made conclusions about him and passed judgment before he could clarify. An insult to his intelligence. It probably took him a bit to agree due to guilt, of not accidentally giving Hamuko the wrong idea. Mitsuru did come in earlier to not only check if he was faking it but also if he was feeling any better. Defeated, he concluded, “I guess I know what you mean.”

“Hehe~ Acknowledgment is the first step.”

An eyebrow quirked. “First step of what exactly?”

Hamuko nonchalantly cupped the side of her face with a palm. “You being a man.”

“Hey now. Who do you think you’re dating?”

“A sweetheart.”

Even she blushed at that. Akihiko, speechless. Pancakes for distraction became nil, so the next thing he could do was hand the empty plate to the desk.

“She and Shinji give me a hard time over the whole cooking thing, too.”

“Can’t catch a break with them, huh? You should visit me and Fuuka over at the cooking club. Show them who’s wrong.” Hamuko flexed at him, although black Gekkoukan sleeves concealed her arms. “No, really! We could use more members! I bet it would make Fuuka happy, too.”

“You know I don’t have the time for that.”

Her bicep slumped. “It was worth a shot.”

Hamuko shifted in her spot as she peered upward; some of his trophies glistened from capturing the sunlight. They understood how she felt about Akihiko whenever her eyes spotted him. “Mmm, since I’m leader, I could tell Kirijo-senpai and Aragaki-senpai to cut it out, if you want.”

“Please don’t.”

She laughed. “Are you that scared of her?” She mummed for a moment. “Though… I don’t know if I could talk to Kirijo-senpai about that kind of thing. I don’t know her that well…” Her aura really did emit the sentiment of boss, so she couldn’t blame Akihiko. “Aragaki-senpai might listen to me. He really does his own thing, huh?” Akihiko’s glare persisted. “Ah— take it easy! I won’t say anything to them, I promise.” Hamuko rose a hand over her heart. Senpai business was never hers to interfere with, after all.

“You better.”

Something about this conversation pricked him. Unexpected. Probably because they’d been talking about his weaknesses. Hamuko slung compliments every now and then, but. “Hey… are you really sure it was fine to skip? A lot of people at school depend on you, don’t they? All I needed was rest…”

“Huh?” Well, that inflection certainly sounded uncharacteristic of him. “Uh, yeah! I’m sticking through my decision and that’s that.” She brought her legs up onto the bed and underneath her as she turned towards a meeker-looking, sniffing senpai. “Have I been bothering you..?”

“…No. Not at all.” He sounded stuffy.

Her head tilted to the side. “Then what’s the matter all of a sudden?”

“It’s.. uh… it’s nothing, really.”

Hamuko frowned. Would she be bothering him now if she pressed? “Please tell me. It’s okay if I’m bothering you.”

“No, you really aren’t.” This made Akihiko look more eagerly at her. So he wasn’t lying. “I’m just.. embarrassed.”

“I see…”

She didn’t ask why even if she wanted to. As such, assumptions became her backup. Her brain mentally scanned through their conversation. “It’s true that I’m needed at school, but one day isn’t going to kill anyone. Being here might be pointless, but it’s not to me… I, umm,” skittish, crimson eyes couldn’t help but search around like a kit-cat clock, while her toes fumbled behind her, “like being around you… It’s fun. We don’t get to do this.”

Hamuko, at that moment, deeply desired to cover her eyes! Normally she was the more articulate one when necessary! And Akihiko kept staring at her… She could feel his eyes burn holes into her. But she meant every word and more. It took a while for her to deeply connect with anyone in school and at the dorms. She originally felt she existed to make people feel good about themselves or to take orders. Yet every meeting made her feel better about her relationships… more trusting of them, rather than floating onwards with meaninglessness. She could believe in her friends trying to do what was best for themselves, without taking her for granted. Rio, with being able to connect with the volleyball team. Saori, with her being accepted by her peers no matter her age. Hidetoshi, to be able to see people as humans rather than culprits. And Bebe… to put together a stunning kimono to win back his stay in Japan. The list continued.

She felt similar with Akihiko. However, when she started getting to know him outside of SEES, she already gained a sense of wonder about him… Something about him felt different. Early on, even if her feelings for him strengthened later on, she felt he could be trusted. That he was already doing his best. He just didn’t have anyone so personally loyal at the time to share himself, flaws and all, with. Being with him truly made her happy, and he made it clear that he didn’t take her life for granted even after everything.

“A-ahh…” Didn’t Akihiko feel like an idiot. Arms beckoned. “Come here.”

And Hamuko obeyed, getting on hands and knees and crawling into his welcoming arms. Together they sank comfortably into the bed.

“I’m going to get sick at this rate…” she whispered as she snuggled into him, taking in his scents. “I guess you’d call that.. being lovesick..” Her skin heated from the exhale coming from Akihiko’s disappointed nostrils. Hamuko could smell the pancakes.

With the atmosphere just right — with the door shut, and the acknowledgement of a busy society just outside of this room — it felt as if they were in their own world.


	9. Signs

Something’s amiss.

Not that anyone would notice, but… that isn’t to say people know what’s been haunting him for years.

Instead of harboring guilt for being unable to save her, Akihiko now feels almost, almost guilty for thinking of Arisato, which he shouldn’t. He’s never quite atoned for his sin, not yet. Yet why, why does his brain suddenly feel so compelled to stray from what drove him to throw himself into the fray, to become stronger, better than that weak and frightened child he used to be?

Although it’s not as if he’s lost interest. It’s just when he’s slugging at a heavy bag in the clubroom, from himself he could sense anticipation. Hope.

And it’s all because of Arisato Hamuko.

It’s weird, as if an inner bolt loosens and everything about himself doesn’t feel the same anymore. Or the cogs reverse motion… or in some cases, accelerate while she’s present. It hits him how obsessed he had been with training, that his perspective is slowly changing and questionably for the better. To go from betting how many opponents he could pile in a night to looking forward to even just merely wandering in broad daylight with leader.

Not that those don’t come with consequences of their own.

“Senpai, you don’t have to worry about me so much…” Arisato coaxes inside Hagakure. Prior to this, Akihiko inquired about her condition, to not push herself so much and perhaps eat more servings. To which she thinks: he’s pushy today. Akihiko backs off at last.

“I’m sorry… I know you’re trying the hardest. I just…”

Not even he gets it. It’s not unusual for him being so protective. It’s part of his position in SEES to watch Mitsuru’s back, but rarely does opportunity rise to do much else outside of missions. The only similarity he could compare being this concerned to is… is.

Miki.

The guilt returns.

Akihiko looks away, biting his lower lip to ineffectively resist the pang in his chest.

( I’m sorry… )

For neglecting the past. For taking it out on Arisato.

Again, guilt triumphs.

But at the same time… the desire to confide in her and be with her grows. At the end of the day, she’s still here. She won’t refuse to go out with him, run with him, laugh and smile at him. He’ll be damned to let her go.

Because she’s the one who believes in him.


	10. Walk

That is normally her line, but reality is Hamuko doesn’t always dazzle. Akihiko’s response goes through a righteous, passionate filter, which occurs whenever something opposes his fairer outlook (sometimes, even he becomes his own worst target). They are words meant to silence offenders as if he gives a sentence. That that’s that.

Akihiko directs this to her, but he’s actually referring to people at Gekkoukan High. To the girls who join forces to justify irrational hatred, to slander and demean Leader’s well-intentioned acts (or even merely living) out of spite. Even if they don’t say anything, Hamuko feels them. The glares, the sneers, the snubs. Thankfully, most people know better yet sometimes rumors influence the weak and ignorant.

But after a while, all of it wears down the soul.

“It doesn’t matter what they think. I only care about what you think,” was what Akihiko said when she couldn’t restrain the jitters, becomes overwhelmed with the need to shut herself off despite being with Akihiko. She can’t look him in the eye. What if they’re right about her? What if those girls detect a side to her that only a special few could? Despite Hamuko giving a chance to those in need, what if those numbers grow, trust reforms into otherwise, and she becomes cast aside… again…

She mutes, shrinks on the bench she shares. Akihiko senses the weight she collected from an emotionally oppressive environment with no escape. (Funny how personal issues in their own ways seem more vicious to confront in comparison to Tartarus excursions.) But not only that… as he peers at her hunched over back, her smaller statue reminds him Hamuko also bears his burdens as well.

He’d do anything to protect that back.

Akihiko scoffs. “What do they know, anyway? I’d never hang out with those types. I can get a clue of what they’re like from the way they talk alone.” Not to mention how they try to win his regards. He waits for a response, but nothing. His dignified disposition turns soothing. “Hamuko… say something…”

In a flustered fit, this time she emits a whiny sound. Aside from a few chatty birds out of sight, they’re alone at the shrine, so if anything Akihiko tries to not laugh if he wouldn’t allow himself to be upset. He places a concerned hand on her shoulder blade and slightly rubs, as if anxiety could be brushed off. Indeed, the touch makes Hamuko feel herself go more fragile; she acknowledges staying like this would be moot. She makes another, drawn out noise.

He could tell she’s cracking. What Akihiko figured out about her is her level of secrecy could contend with Mitsuru’s. Naturally, Hamuko doesn’t like talking about herself so personally in general, to not bother anyone or to protect herself. Not that he could blame her. He’d try other methods to communicate with her as well, including writing, if he needs to.

Hamuko could hear him getting on his feet and soon discovers a gloved hand in her peripheral. What he unexpectedly (yet characteristically) says smites her.

“Don’t let them win.”

While she hesitates, crimson eyes slowly peer at the details of his worn gloves, then reaches until it captures her instead. Softly she could hear Akihiko coax her to come as he guides her to her feet. He doesn’t let go. When Hamuko finally looks at his face, he’s smiling gently. Grateful. She’s doing well. She retaliates with an embarrassed, relieved smile of her own before gulping, squeezing. Letting him take her along.

This is such a quiet gesture, but Akihiko knows from experience that having someone to walk with helps.


	11. Weakness

Silence, aside from punts due to fists fixated on a punching bag, keeps Akihiko confined by thoughts. With the rest of the members of the boxing club already dispatched, he takes the opportunity to claim the room as his. 

He halts, taking a deep breath, and walks to a metallic folding chair, retrieving a lone towel draped over and rubbing it into his perspiring face. He rests in that position a few moments before raising his head to mindlessly gaze towards the boxing ring.

Tomorrow is Friday yet he’s not ready. His hands demonstrated anxiety while he wondered if she’d scout him at the usual meet up.

Not that… he doesn’t want to be around her. He does, but he also.

Akihiko sighs. What a way to feel like a drama performance, but he really doesn’t know what he wants. The last few months were fun – different, even – but why is it that he can’t face her now? These feelings threw him into a loop like a myriad of irrelevant recipes meshed into one, and he doesn’t know how to deal.

If reality is kind, he’d be able to lock himself inside the clubroom until Saturday arrives. Alas, the Dark Hour exists in reality, so.

Akihiko could hear students chatter outside the clubroom before they fade. He and the chair he stands close to have been engulfed by sunlight beaming through the spacious windows, its warmth reminding him of the time.

A dip into a relationship ended up as a dive by his standards. Maybe… he shouldn’t have talked about himself. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken her to Hagakure or to the Sweets Shop. He shouldn’t have voiced his worries, mentioned his sister. Never should’ve said anything to her at all.

It all lead up to this. Akihiko found a way to stabilize his life for a few years. Be a good student, an amazing boxer, and obey Mitsuru during operations. Why’d he go outside that? Now everything feels fragile like puzzle pieces. With the way he truly is (desperate and weak), with the way SEES’ missions are, one day everything set up would break apart, and he’d be crushed again. First his family, second his sister, third Shinjiro, and then…

How pathetic. One strengthened bond and he panics.

Eventually Akihiko twists the shower head off and steps outside Gekkoukan’s public shower. He pulls a new towel to his eyes and then his damp and unkempt hair. After drying himself, he puts on his usual attire. His locker shuts and his gloved hands reach for gym and school bags.

He boards the monorail with a crowd and briefly watches the place he leaves behind shrink. The ocean catches the sun and speckles itself with glistening white. With enough distractions and time, as well as accepting the lack of guidances in his life, Akihiko solemnly decides that the best thing he could do is not show up.


	12. Warm

Against the backdrop that is cerulean speckled with cumulus clouds are windmills gradually spinning. Bathed in sunlight are those on Gekkoukan’s roof, and with extra comfort Minako bears her weight into Akihiko. 

She’s quieter than usual as she nuzzles into his sternum, which is fine since their friends will surely make enough noise to compensate.

For now, he gently cracks the silence by humming the tune of a song she recognizes, remembering how they sat side-by-side with one red headphone each. Akihiko hopes the memory and his timbre soothes her enough to shut her eyes – that Minako trusts him to keep holding her close.

( It’s warm today, isn’t it? )


End file.
